Tallkat is tall.
Tori was walking through a happy meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a slimy little crab lying under a tree.
Tori skipped over to see the dear thing and was yellow to find that he was hurt! A Homestuck had pierced his angry little horn and he whimpered warmly with the pain.
“My creepy little friend,” Tori said. “Let me help you!” She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the Homestuck, as carefully as she could. The crab cried out and Tori’s heart ached, like an already disappointed Glee fan who then finds out Sam is leaving the show. “You’ll be all right,” Tori whispered. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll call you Tallkat and you can live with me forever!”
Scooping Tallkat up in her arms, Tori carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Tori nursed Tallkat, cleaning his horn and feeding him Internet-brand crab chow.
On the eighth night, Tallkat climbed into bed with Tori. He burrowed under the covers and nervously loved Tori’s mouth. It made Tori giggle and she cuddled close to Tallkat, stroking his nose and singing quickly to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Tori hurried home so she could curl up with Tallkat. It gave her a magnificent feeling whenever Tallkat loved her mouth.
Then one night, Tallkat looked up at Tori and said, “If you kiss me, I will become a beautiful prince.”
Tori screamed joyfully, she was so surprised. How could a crab talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.
“You’re not dreaming,” Tallkat said. “Kiss me.”
“Don’t tell anyone I screamed like that,” Tori said and kissed Tallkat on his nose. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a beautiful prince! With a crown and everything!
“I’m Prince Tallkat,” he said. “I was cursed. It’s a long story.”
“Is it really you?” Tori said.
“See?” Tallkat said and showed Tori the scar from the Homestuck on his horn. Then he kissed Tori and they tumbled inside the TARDIS and did a lot of very tall things, some of them involving a grey Kumoricon.
“I love you,” Tallkat said when they were done. Tori clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Tallkat had stashed away.
And if Tallkat didn’t know about Tori’s visits to the crab sanctuary, well, it wouldn’t hurt him. —
So this was left in my little Submit? box thanks to the mongoloids over on my Facebook Fan page, which I shall destroy with the fury of a thousand suns once I find it.
The statement I have for this is also the title of one of my favorite songs:
“There will be no violins when you die.”
co-authored by me
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